Jo Dargaya... Samjho woh margaya....

I was watching this serious detective movie the other day.. and when I say serious, I really mean it, the one in which there is the security of the nation involved and the good people are trying their best to avoid a major disaster from happening.. hmm if you are thinking on the lines of Dr. Dang and the Karma movie sequences.. naa its not that glamorous... this movie was showing the ugly part of investigative techniques... and I was reminded of the time when I wanted to be a secret agent :) we all want to be at some point ... its the glitter that attracts us... but as far as I can recall when I was younger... much younger I really thought I had it in me to face the odds too... especially the torture techniques... the gritty nail pulling or the Chinese water drop where they let cold water fall on your head, drop by drop and u are tied up and helpless.... can get really annoying and frustrating...trust me... or for that matter any of those cheap dirty tricks.. (Lets just skip the details) ...

Things have changed and how! I can't bear to even see them on screen these days.. I have become quite a stickler to cleanliness and I have become more sensitive .. rather oversensitive to the things that happen to me and around me.. it scares me to think that I could at one point in my life think that people could twist the tissue out of my nose, and I'd still keep a secret! I think I'd be singing the moment they pull my nose .. (not really), but my hypothesis.. is that with age people become weaker at heart.. lose immunity to torture.. there really were times when I used to have a big gash on my knee when I'm back home after playing with the "gang" .. and not a drop in my eye... now it hurts like hell when I cut my hand .. I still don't cry... but I feel the pain... I used to be insolent and proud of my wound... like all those Army Jawans, showing off their scars..I got this in the 1951 war!! my threshold for pain has for certain deteriorated... but is it just that? I questioned myself.. no I am now a days anxious about everything.. exams, driving, future...!

Well anxiety does come with age, I for one believe that kids are more courageous and more willing to experiment with life that the older lot, and should too as they are at the threshold of discovering their ideals, their principles and what they'd like to stick to for eternity...once the decision is made.. we should have the courage to stick to them...but coming back to pain..and fear, its just lack of training... had I trained my mind to face the pain.. I would and beautifully so, coz the mind does that... it does not let anything hurt it, there are so many people that have said so many things that could have broken and shaken my very foundations of thought, but its there and still thinks the same way it decided to think years back... but not the body.. it has become more susceptible to the attacks from around the world..unfair isn't it..? I used to stay up all day all night without food at one point to work and finish the task.. not that I was giving up food.. but the thought used to never occur to me... but after regularizing my eating habits, I become irritable if i don't eat on time... simple things... but they do culminate into a bigger intolerance of torture...

Training though can do wonders... its all up there in the brain... being immune to pain come only and to the strong willed and the people who practice it honestly! As for me, I dont think the FBI or someone more glamorous than that may be MI5 has any positions open for me :) so I'll leave the pain and torture techniques to my nightmares... but one thing I'd like to keep though is the thought that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself... conquer it and you'll face the world with a more confident and brighter attitude day after day...