I was watching this serious detective movie the other day.. and when I say serious, I really mean it, the one in which there is the security of the nation involved and the good people are trying their best to avoid a major disaster from happening.. hmm if you are thinking on the lines of Dr. Dang and the Karma movie sequences.. naa its not that glamorous... this movie was showing the ugly part of investigative techniques... and I was reminded of the time when I wanted to be a secret agent :) we all want to be at some point ... its the glitter that attracts us... but as far as I can recall when I was younger... much younger I really thought I had it in me to face the odds too... especially the torture techniques... the gritty nail pulling or the Chinese water drop where they let cold water fall on your head, drop by drop and u are tied up and helpless.... can get really annoying and frustrating...trust me... or for that matter any of those cheap dirty tricks.. (Lets just skip the details) ...
Things have changed and how! I can't bear to even see them on screen these days.. I have become quite a stickler to cleanliness and I have become more sensitive .. rather oversensitive to the things that happen to me and around me.. it scares me to think that I could at one point in my life think that people could twist the tissue out of my nose, and I'd still keep a secret! I think I'd be singing the moment they pull my nose .. (not really), but my hypothesis.. is that with age people become weaker at heart.. lose immunity to torture.. there really were times when I used to have a big gash on my knee when I'm back home after playing with the "gang" .. and not a drop in my eye... now it hurts like hell when I cut my hand .. I still don't cry... but I feel the pain... I used to be insolent and proud of my wound... like all those Army Jawans, showing off their scars..I got this in the 1951 war!! my threshold for pain has for certain deteriorated... but is it just that? I questioned myself.. no I am now a days anxious about everything.. exams, driving, future...!
Well anxiety does come with age, I for one believe that kids are more courageous and more willing to experiment with life that the older lot, and should too as they are at the threshold of discovering their ideals, their principles and what they'd like to stick to for eternity...once the decision is made.. we should have the courage to stick to them...but coming back to pain..and fear, its just lack of training... had I trained my mind to face the pain.. I would and beautifully so, coz the mind does that... it does not let anything hurt it, there are so many people that have said so many things that could have broken and shaken my very foundations of thought, but its there and still thinks the same way it decided to think years back... but not the body.. it has become more susceptible to the attacks from around the world..unfair isn't it..? I used to stay up all day all night without food at one point to work and finish the task.. not that I was giving up food.. but the thought used to never occur to me... but after regularizing my eating habits, I become irritable if i don't eat on time... simple things... but they do culminate into a bigger intolerance of torture...
Training though can do wonders... its all up there in the brain... being immune to pain come only and to the strong willed and the people who practice it honestly! As for me, I dont think the FBI or someone more glamorous than that may be MI5 has any positions open for me :) so I'll leave the pain and torture techniques to my nightmares... but one thing I'd like to keep though is the thought that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself... conquer it and you'll face the world with a more confident and brighter attitude day after day...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Pyar ke liye.. char pal kam nahin hain!
Attachment! .. And I am not talking about the ones that you send in the email and are restricted to 10 MB size! ..its the emotion that knows no bounds.. Its evil.. people say.. I think its the most wonderful concoction of mind.. second only to the feeling of love.. and according to me... you can never get over the things u are attached to.. can't grow out of it unless you want to! Love is worse.. you can't grow out of it and if its missing you can't live with the fact either!
Attachment creates the want for life in you, there is a reason behind everything you do.. and that's attachment! Its preached that one should be detached.. and let go of this maya called world.. but then .. that should be done in totality.. only if you know its worth can u detach it.. If i say I quit eating.. I should know what satisfaction I get when I satiate my hunger... when I say I want to quit the act of sex then I should know what pleasure it gives.. it should be mine first to give it up.. and that's where attachment comes.. unless I have attached myself in this life to this materialistic world and be materialistic myself, I will not be able to give it up.. true detachment is completely different from what the people practice now... I don't like drinking.. so I am detached from it.. I think love is crap so.. I am great as I am detached from it.. That's cowardice! One should try to understand the fine line between detachment and "I don't care" attitude.. The true wise man is the one who has seen it all and can quit.. by quitting early in life you are only thinking that you are great.. but the truth is that you are cheating yourself!
Nirvana comes from conscious effort.. not by unconscious ignorance.. And so I deem attachment as the most important ingredient of ones lifetime.. all of us should have something we want passionately.. some thing we want to attach and associate ourselves with.. whether we want to detach ourselves from it is a question that will need to be eventually answered..whether we want to become like a sage ourselves.. how soon that question comes depends on what stage of the life - death circle you are in.. I was surprised to see someone who is younger than me .. taking pilgrimage out of choice... you are what you are as a virtue of your birth.. not where you are born into and how you are born into or whom...which is the reason why now in this generation caste creed and religious beliefs are based on individual rather than the society.. a plumber's son is no longer a plumber.. he can be a doctor.. similarly the maturity in thought and the consciousness of action comes through the life times.. but at this stage.. I am born with some purpose on earth.. and I am still not able to give up eating or drinking.. does this mean I should be partial and say I should give up pure and guiltless enjoyment too? Especially of loving someone and being able to say that I am attached to that person so much I can't let go?
Its plain faced fact that people are terribly confused when it comes to matters of heart.. especially crushes, infatuations, attachments and love.. they never question themselves.. never find reasons.. and hence the confusion.. Ask yourself once before you associate the emotion of attachment or love.. do I really want this person? If you feel the gap.. if you feel uncontrollable tears at the loss or if your mind goes blank when you think what u'd do without him/her/it.. then you will know that you really want.. and not "need" that person..
Attachment based on want is much more than attachment based on need.. relationships are longer (I've seen from experiences) .. Think about it, when I question myself.. do I really need that person.. your answer will be no! 'coz you don't need anyone to survive on this world.. every person is wrapped individually and is quite self contained and can survive all alone without difficulty.. but when I question myself, do I want this person, I am sure to get an affirmative answer.
All in all.. its great to want someone or something in life.. gives you a reason to be the way you are.. do the things you do..! like how Om puri says in Pyar to hona hi tha "Zindagi mein sabhi ko ek bar pyar karna chahiye.. It makes life beautiful" I say .. doesn't necessarily need be a guy..or gal.. just anything.. even your country.. or your little chihuahua...but love something.. and love it for a reason!
Attachment creates the want for life in you, there is a reason behind everything you do.. and that's attachment! Its preached that one should be detached.. and let go of this maya called world.. but then .. that should be done in totality.. only if you know its worth can u detach it.. If i say I quit eating.. I should know what satisfaction I get when I satiate my hunger... when I say I want to quit the act of sex then I should know what pleasure it gives.. it should be mine first to give it up.. and that's where attachment comes.. unless I have attached myself in this life to this materialistic world and be materialistic myself, I will not be able to give it up.. true detachment is completely different from what the people practice now... I don't like drinking.. so I am detached from it.. I think love is crap so.. I am great as I am detached from it.. That's cowardice! One should try to understand the fine line between detachment and "I don't care" attitude.. The true wise man is the one who has seen it all and can quit.. by quitting early in life you are only thinking that you are great.. but the truth is that you are cheating yourself!
Nirvana comes from conscious effort.. not by unconscious ignorance.. And so I deem attachment as the most important ingredient of ones lifetime.. all of us should have something we want passionately.. some thing we want to attach and associate ourselves with.. whether we want to detach ourselves from it is a question that will need to be eventually answered..whether we want to become like a sage ourselves.. how soon that question comes depends on what stage of the life - death circle you are in.. I was surprised to see someone who is younger than me .. taking pilgrimage out of choice... you are what you are as a virtue of your birth.. not where you are born into and how you are born into or whom...which is the reason why now in this generation caste creed and religious beliefs are based on individual rather than the society.. a plumber's son is no longer a plumber.. he can be a doctor.. similarly the maturity in thought and the consciousness of action comes through the life times.. but at this stage.. I am born with some purpose on earth.. and I am still not able to give up eating or drinking.. does this mean I should be partial and say I should give up pure and guiltless enjoyment too? Especially of loving someone and being able to say that I am attached to that person so much I can't let go?
Its plain faced fact that people are terribly confused when it comes to matters of heart.. especially crushes, infatuations, attachments and love.. they never question themselves.. never find reasons.. and hence the confusion.. Ask yourself once before you associate the emotion of attachment or love.. do I really want this person? If you feel the gap.. if you feel uncontrollable tears at the loss or if your mind goes blank when you think what u'd do without him/her/it.. then you will know that you really want.. and not "need" that person..
Attachment based on want is much more than attachment based on need.. relationships are longer (I've seen from experiences) .. Think about it, when I question myself.. do I really need that person.. your answer will be no! 'coz you don't need anyone to survive on this world.. every person is wrapped individually and is quite self contained and can survive all alone without difficulty.. but when I question myself, do I want this person, I am sure to get an affirmative answer.
All in all.. its great to want someone or something in life.. gives you a reason to be the way you are.. do the things you do..! like how Om puri says in Pyar to hona hi tha "Zindagi mein sabhi ko ek bar pyar karna chahiye.. It makes life beautiful" I say .. doesn't necessarily need be a guy..or gal.. just anything.. even your country.. or your little chihuahua...but love something.. and love it for a reason!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Kya yehi pyaar hai...
Its summer time and the sun sets at 9 pm... and its bright and hot till then..restricting my usual free spirit which asks me to roam around the town and discover new shopping venues..yes its there in me too.. the common streak found in any girl of any origin... the shopping mania! But this isn't about that.. With all the restrictions from weather in place.. I am spending more time watching stuff on the net than anything else.. And I come back.. to my favorite reality show..Indian Idol (Desi i.e other wise I love the old UK game show Crystal Maze). In one of the recent episodes.. the third gala round, Emon, the perceivably best singer in the group got nailed very badly by the judge Anu malik.. Why.. because he is conscious of the fact that he sings good... and he had to apologize for that.. What world are we living in? The world that condemns us for even being conscious of what we are good at? Is it really a sin to be happy and confident about our abilities? Its pathetic that one has to be guilty of ones goodness.. let alone loving ones positives.. while being aware of ones negatives.. Why should one not be proud of himself for being a great singer... Its but obvious that Emon had a great voice.. and its parody that he should be in tears because of it.
Why can't people accept somethings.. If he is bad.. he will be voted out.. and should be too...but what I can't understand is why the judge thinks he might be voted out because he is good.. and he loves himself for it.. God is this what we teach the young ones.. that guy is a solid 7 years younger to me.. and represents the gen X and this is what we are projecting to them.. be guilty of ur talent, dont be proud of urself, from where can they build self dignity and self esteem then?
Love and confidence.. it all boils down to that... Love yourself for what u are good at.. not for what you aren't.. be honest about it, thats where ur humility lies.. not in the fact that u are guilty about ur goodness... and be confident of ur talents.. if u are honest.. it will come automatically..(ah but thats in a ideal world where there exist no people to make u feel sorry about urself). Love yourself.. truly.. only then can u expect some one else to fall in love with you.. if u think u are pathetic and expect that someone else will think u are wonderful and are waiting for them to come and tell you that.. so that u can start feeling good about it.. I'd say.. you are a fool!
Why can't people accept somethings.. If he is bad.. he will be voted out.. and should be too...but what I can't understand is why the judge thinks he might be voted out because he is good.. and he loves himself for it.. God is this what we teach the young ones.. that guy is a solid 7 years younger to me.. and represents the gen X and this is what we are projecting to them.. be guilty of ur talent, dont be proud of urself, from where can they build self dignity and self esteem then?
Love and confidence.. it all boils down to that... Love yourself for what u are good at.. not for what you aren't.. be honest about it, thats where ur humility lies.. not in the fact that u are guilty about ur goodness... and be confident of ur talents.. if u are honest.. it will come automatically..(ah but thats in a ideal world where there exist no people to make u feel sorry about urself). Love yourself.. truly.. only then can u expect some one else to fall in love with you.. if u think u are pathetic and expect that someone else will think u are wonderful and are waiting for them to come and tell you that.. so that u can start feeling good about it.. I'd say.. you are a fool!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Kya Hua Tera Vada
Yes.. I'm back after a longer break than I had intended to.. but hey things get tough sometimes .. these are perilous times when one has to work with more efficiency and more concentration.. and I deliver each time, however these are times when u can't really expect the other party to do the same... Isn't it a simple.. just do ur duty the way it should be done.. with a dash of dedication and a pinch of efficiency.. alas no one believes its simple any more.. "Hmm I will do it.. but later", "Ya.. i started to do ur stuff but something else came along.. " This is all one hears.. Can't I please reverse time.. esp back to a couple of generations back when Granpa would say something and it would get done in like minutes.. or for that matter even in dad's time.. right from the garage mechanic to the sabzi wala to his boss in the office.. all used to work with the same energy levels and the same consistency as he did.. and thing moved smoothly.. now there are road blocks and potholes.. and as a result nothing gets delivered on time.. and the quality is completly lost!
I keep remembering some tea ad when I was kid and was still in India, the ad went something like this.. the lady of the house does rounds, sees the mali etc. and scolds them this and that.. and is in hot mood, slumps down on a chair and says "Can't I find any consistency anywhere?" and then her husband sneaks a small cup of tea under her nose and she sniffs the same smell the same quality that has been there for years... the same tea! with the same consistency! Wow that was a brilliant ad... and look at the stuff being doled out on the name of creativity.. I love each of those dairy milk ads and even the coke ads.. but now.. the quality has really really dropped.. no consistency in creativity.. a couple of years back the friends who swore by me, think twice to drop by.. no consistency in relationships! I can cite many more such instances.. but whats the use.. its proven that the word "consistency" is endangered... and all it takes to recover is a little effort..
I keep remembering some tea ad when I was kid and was still in India, the ad went something like this.. the lady of the house does rounds, sees the mali etc. and scolds them this and that.. and is in hot mood, slumps down on a chair and says "Can't I find any consistency anywhere?" and then her husband sneaks a small cup of tea under her nose and she sniffs the same smell the same quality that has been there for years... the same tea! with the same consistency! Wow that was a brilliant ad... and look at the stuff being doled out on the name of creativity.. I love each of those dairy milk ads and even the coke ads.. but now.. the quality has really really dropped.. no consistency in creativity.. a couple of years back the friends who swore by me, think twice to drop by.. no consistency in relationships! I can cite many more such instances.. but whats the use.. its proven that the word "consistency" is endangered... and all it takes to recover is a little effort..
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Khogaya yeh jahan...
Losing something always triggers something else in us.. either a simple action - a cleaning spree with hope that one might just find it... although we end up finding all but what we are looking for... else a kind of a strange sadness coupled with a feeling that "it should be here...I wonder why the universe always conspires to take things away from me". This week I have gone on a losing spree.. money mainly.. and then some books and yet some more things..like the mind.. and i miss it the most.
Isn't it strange though that whenever u lose something you keep searching.. in the most ridiculous of the places.. and over and over again.. ah.. its just a couple of hundred times.. may be the next one might turn out to be fruitful!!! Logic certainly leaves you!!! Check this video of a stand up comedian "George Carlin" and I am sure u will identify it as much as I did. He does not discuss losing money in gambling though!
Ah gambling.. the one vice that makes you win and win, and then lose and lose soo badly ..that u have nothing left in the end!! Sad.. but true.. the involvement in gambling is such that u can't really will yourself to get out.. there was a time when I used to tease my friends saying.. hey you never know when to stop .. but when it came to me .. I never stopped either.. had it not been so tragic.. it would have been comical! really you must've heard of rags to riches.. but then .. this was riches to rags.. one minute I was holding 150 and the next 10 mins I lose it all! hmm and to think of it.. roulette is supposed to be easier than the rest of the gambling games! next 3 hours was spent in thinking.. how did I do that... that wasn't me... yeah smart alec.. that was the Devil itself.. whom am I kidding... it was me .. I threw the money and played as though the devil may care! Hmm in the retrospective, it was not so bad.. I lost it.. but then it wasn't too depressing at that point.. until I returned home to get back to my usual studies and discovered that some of my books are missing... now where did they go??!! After hours of searching in vain.. I am here sitting in front of the computer taking out my frustration playing some monotonous game... and then I discover something : I lost my mind!! I am refusing to think of alternatives..its like...the whole worlds lost!! Khogaya yeh jahan....
Isn't it strange though that whenever u lose something you keep searching.. in the most ridiculous of the places.. and over and over again.. ah.. its just a couple of hundred times.. may be the next one might turn out to be fruitful!!! Logic certainly leaves you!!! Check this video of a stand up comedian "George Carlin" and I am sure u will identify it as much as I did. He does not discuss losing money in gambling though!
Ah gambling.. the one vice that makes you win and win, and then lose and lose soo badly ..that u have nothing left in the end!! Sad.. but true.. the involvement in gambling is such that u can't really will yourself to get out.. there was a time when I used to tease my friends saying.. hey you never know when to stop .. but when it came to me .. I never stopped either.. had it not been so tragic.. it would have been comical! really you must've heard of rags to riches.. but then .. this was riches to rags.. one minute I was holding 150 and the next 10 mins I lose it all! hmm and to think of it.. roulette is supposed to be easier than the rest of the gambling games! next 3 hours was spent in thinking.. how did I do that... that wasn't me... yeah smart alec.. that was the Devil itself.. whom am I kidding... it was me .. I threw the money and played as though the devil may care! Hmm in the retrospective, it was not so bad.. I lost it.. but then it wasn't too depressing at that point.. until I returned home to get back to my usual studies and discovered that some of my books are missing... now where did they go??!! After hours of searching in vain.. I am here sitting in front of the computer taking out my frustration playing some monotonous game... and then I discover something : I lost my mind!! I am refusing to think of alternatives..its like...the whole worlds lost!! Khogaya yeh jahan....
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