Palkein Jhukao Na ....

This time around , my title isn't just titular it is the very content of the small blog -

I recently stumbled upon an old CD that had collected dust in my huge rack of cd's ... It had some really offbeat songs that I had picked and burnt apparently when my taste and mood was better than what it is today .. One song that featured in the CD was Palkein Jhukao Na from Sehar - a movie about gangsters vs police.. and you must be groaning saying "Oh no not one of those again .. .but not this was not one of those meaningless action movies where all you can hear is gunshots throughout the movie and end up with terrible ache in the head after the movie says "The End" .. no not this one - This was a really clean cut movie which had a bit of everything - it was about a good, honest police officer facing not just a criminal genius who want total absolute power over everything , but also the bureaucrats who really dont know which side they are on.. and over all of it his own traumatic childhood .. does this sound like a complex plot of emotional drama with the side of blood and gore? Nope wrong again this is by far the least emotional Indian movie I have seen - a well thought of and executed movie .... absolutely no nonsense stuff and has more depth than Sarfarosh - which is the only other cop movie that figures in my police favorites ...

... but movie apart - the song -reallyy delightful one .. picturized on the ever delightful cop (played by Arshad Warsi) and Anamika (played by Mahima Choudhary) his object of desire (other than the famed don 'gajraj' that is!!)

Adnan Sami's deep voice rendering the slow tune with soft beats, and the easy lyrics - the lover asking the the lady to confess her love for him .. and ofcourse doing the same himself.. Oh and does Arshad look sweet or what! Especially with the dimples when he blushes somewhere in between the song! Sweetest of the songs in the recent times.. The song has no surrealistic picturization - it has no dreamy stuff and definitely no large opulent sets - yet it lingers in your mind much after you've heard it or seen it...

....On this note - hear to the song and adieu till later!

Chup tum raho.. Chup hum rahe..

Words are the most beautiful things when said in the right way at the right time.. words are the most powerful if they come from the right person in the right tone.. Words mean a lot when they offer comfort to someone down and dejected .. and yet words are the most inadequate when it comes to expressing the most intricate feelings, especially that of love and sorrow.. I have increasingly noticed that people are the most quiet when they are in pain or they are with someone they really love and they just want to spend the time absorbing the presence of each other.. It does remind me of a song in Swades movie where the hero and the heroine are sitting inside the car with the song running in the background and they are not talking , not looking at each other (that would be too cliched eh?) not doing anything, but just reclining on the front seats of the car and ... thats it.. just feeling each others presence.. ain't that romantic? I think its amazing what silence between two people can convey..

Having said that.. I don't want to take the romance away from poetry and I definitely do believe that words play important role when communicating ones feelings and ones thoughts, its useless if one speaks too few words and then goes into some kind of a misunderstanding mode where all is lost to the lack of words..

But getting back to the silence.. there is a strange kind of understanding that develops when one stops speaking and just "feels".. I guess it has something to do with the development of some senses when others are shut down.. you are more sensitive to movements, to heart beat, to even the breeze whizzing through your hair.. It simply has an ethereal feel to it..

Although .. I doubt how long I would survive in the "silent movie" mode .. despite all its romanticism .. I have a trifle too much energy to stay quiet and unfigety for too long! But a stealing a couple of minutes of silence to truly experience the surroundings .. (whether it inculdes someone or not.. ) ain't a bad idea.. ain't a bad idea at all...!

Yeh Sama...

It wasn't your usual bright cheery day..In fact it was just the opposite, cloud covered sky and misty roads, I generally am depressed when weather's this way, but today driving on those roads felt like cruising on clouds!!

As I waited for my fellow carpooler to join me, I more deeply in love with the sights and sounds around me.. grass looked more greener, dew droplets dripped from the bare tree branches .. the distant houses on the hills looked like a whole new world with fog embracing the hill.. Ah..I could not help but let out a sigh.. just felt like singing Louis Armstrong 'what a wonderful world' out loud..My vocal cords never live up to my expectation anyway so let it go, just hummed to myself as my partner came in and we went on our usual commute to work.

The visuals were fantastic, I had been in the same place for over half a year, but this was my first winter, and gosh was I loving it! Living up a mountain certainly had its pluses .. I was adoring the sights all the way and secretly wishing time would stand still.. and let me absolve myself within the nature around me..

Well as they say.. be careful of what you wish for.. it might as well come true.. time did not stand still but we sure did! My car came down from 75mph to 5mph.. and eventually we stopped! no my car didn't break down, but somebody else's did and there was that fabled traffic jam again.. I thought to myself, hey no harm done, its a beautiful day, romance in the air, a little traffic jam ain't gonna ruin it!15 minutes later I realized that was not true!! To hell with the beautiful day.. I need to get to work, gosh that important meeting, I could almost see my manager give me that one-raised-eyebrow look! I gulped.. looked around.. the green grass did not speak out to me this time.. I turned to music instead and gave my partner a cursory glance and said - 'hey do you think we'll be able to make it in time ?' and well I can't be too sure, but I think I heard a four letter word followed by a what sounded like a mumble "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?!" and some more of the four letter words..

I tried to laugh it off but it sounded more like a soft whimper of a wet doggy. 'Ah.. now where did that CD go..' I thought to myself music soothes the biggest and meanest of the creatures, lets try that.. it wasn't the best CD I had but will do. 2 songs later.. that opinion changed to wont do!! and I was fidgeting with the cd player trying to skip songs as soon as I knew what it was, apparently did not realize that'd cause the anti-soothing effect on big and mean creatures.. and there was that four letter word coming out again.. "would you not do that!! .....please" that please came out after a long awkward pause.. and I told myself I'd better behave lest I wanna a be called the soup of the day! So music was out .. and returned to gazing out of the window again.. and huge chevy drove up beside me .. conveniently blocking my view of the exotic mountain!! It was my turn to growl..I fumed over the fact that I was now seeing a muddy pickup that probably wasn't washed for centuries instead of the grazing cattle and green fields!

And then my eyes caught something.. a pair of the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, glistening in the sunlight that just peeked through the clouds, and not willing to let me gaze move away.. I felt the smile returning on my face as I looked into the adorable big eager eyes of the cutest golden retriever I had ever seen.. I chuckled to myself and well.. started humming what a wonderful world all over again.. and well as they sing and the world sings with you.. the big beast.. err..I mean my carpooler exclaimed hey that's my favourite song!! and sang along all the way to work!

And so my first work day of the new year began with a smile... Happy new year to all my readers!

Koi Mil Gaya ??!!

Desperation for love.. a deadly syndrome hitting all my friends these days.. I want to love someone I want to have a girl in my arms when I meet my friends.. Nice, but do you realize what you are headed for? 'I want to get married.. its high time I do'.. they say, and I ask 'so.. you can't force yourself into love honey, you've gotta find love and that ain't simple as you think it is'.

Love is a pure feeling that emanates out of a want to be with someone, to make memories with someone who not just shares your interests but shares your attitudes, respects your opinions and decisions, is able to put you before themselves when needed and ... the same works for you as well you should be ready to put them before yourself. Its not a one time see and decide story.. thats possibly an arranged marriage.. not love. You grow to like a person, no instant coffee here!

And the dreaded C word .. Commitment, think about it.. one person all your life, no matter what happens, no matter how old and wrinkly they get, no matter how grumpy they get during their midlife crisis, no matter how unstable the situations around you are you have to stick by each other and have that love going for eons to come.. are you ready for that? Not if you go in with a mindset that I am going to love the next single cute girl I see.. how do you know she's the one? there should be something.. some one thing other than looks that will make you want that person all your life.. and that one thing believe me is not easy to find.. Finding faults is easier..and you will find faults all your life with your partner.. but then there should be that one reason that will make you still stick to that person.. I am amazed everytime I see mom and dad quarrel and then settle down.. how can you be with a person who's hurt you so much with words I ask my mother, and she always says .. he is like that, he'll come around in a while, we can't stay without each other! And thats what is love.. no matter what happens, there should be a strong enough reason for you to go back to the same person...

Its really silly to love a person just because its the in thing, or just because all your friends are married. No amount of social pressure is enough to make me fall in love.. Ah but then again that's just me.. the rest of world around me is blissfully hunting for love.. which on the face of it ain't a bad idea.. but then grabbing on to the first girl/guy you find and decide to say I do in a weeks time and expect it to last for a lifetime.. well lets say is too ambitious. Ofcourse there are classes of people who can pick people like we pick melons.. one look and that it you know it all.. but I ain't one of 'em.. and there aren't really as many like that anyway.

So all people who are desperately hunting for love .. think of a girl/guy..not a status symbol, think of companionship not something to show off.. think of love and commitment .. not desperation for commitment.. Seek and you shall find.. and think before you say " Eureka!! I've found the one"

Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Nata Koi

... Yunhi nahin dil lubhata koi.. Jaane Tu.. Yaa jaane na, Maane tu ya maane naa.. No.. I am not promoting the movie that claims to the the 'chweetest' college love story (of 2008) nor am I planning to promote a probable sequel 'Maane tu ya maane na' depicting the perils that Jai (Imran Khan) falls into after his made-in-heaven love marriage to Aditi (Genelia) , with her bossing him around singing the title -maane tu... Hmm silly jokes apart, why I brought the song up is because of its first sentence. Tera mujhse hai pehle ka nata koi .. How does one know whether there is a bonding between them, more so in their very first meeting , not that the song suggests it but I have seen several cases of 'love at first sight' and have always thought that at least one of the parties is surely kidding when they say they were in love at the first sight.. It can't be that two mature individuals look at each other and feel instant bonding of love. Love has its own strings attached that you discover that much later than the fabled first sight.

And yet there are people around the universe who claim their first meeting was the very moment they knew they were meant for each other.. My question is how?! Its not melons for crying out loud.. that you go look, knock, and take home! Its a completely different issue that even after several trials and tribulations I still can't select a good melon, let alone identify one by color or sound. But a life partner, which I'm sure most will agree with, is more complex a theory than melons.

Taking time has its own charm, the denial, fighting it out withing yourself whether this is it or not, finally owning up, building trust and once you find a reason behind your choice of a life partner.. you know you are in love! It's not fair giving credit to the first meeting alone, its what takes place after that, the realization that without him/her your life has this unexplicable emptyness that just refuses to go away, that is when you can declare to the world, that you are in love.. not really when you meet for the first time in a coffee shop.. or any other mushy romantic setup!

There was a strange observation I made about the correlation between love-at-first-sight and arranged marriages. They both happen in the first meet! think about it , practically speaking, how much time is given to a girl and guy who are supposed to get married by their parents wish.. one meeting in a busy living room and then a series of phone calls continue, but the would -be-couple are already in a mind frame that tells them they are already a couple and declaration is the only thing left - Thats as close as it gets to love at first sight.. except perhaps in this case, the mind frame is -lets try this out, rather than lets get this settled. (May be this should make the against-love parents relax a bit eh?)

And the same question arises again, how do you know this person is right for you.. some of my friends tell me its a feeling, you will know.. or as Madhuri Dixit in her all time hit says 'God will ishara-fy and your heart will understand' yeah yeah.. only if dear God was free enough to make us realize love in the first meet! I stand by my policy it take years.. at the minimum months to know if a person is really meant for you , whether its a 'pehle ka nata' or 'sau saal pehle ka pyar' or plain old pyar. Love grows on you.. and no not instantly!

Zindagi kaisi hai paheli...

There are ups and downs trials and tribulations...and yet life is life.. you hate being yourself sometimes.. Wish you weren't yourself when you are depressed about gaining that extra pound or when you have a nagging pain pounding your head.. or this one's my favorite.. when your going through a heart break.. You feel.. why am I myself.. but the universe answers for you. You are what you are for a certain purpose it which fits into the bigger picture, if you were not there the chain of events would have been different.. If you are facing difficulties, its for a purpose and not in vain.. and so're the rest of the people around you. Sometimes I come face to face with people who I secretly wish could be vaporized from the face of the earth... just for their incompetance or their stupidity.. it can be frustrating at times.. but then I realize after they've left that they might be better at something else.. they just may not be the best people in my field.. and I owe them that benefit of doubt that they are in the wrong place.. all they have to do is identify their purpose in life.

Hey and whoever said life's perfect.. either is smoking pot.. or is in a deep bliss of ignorance. I see people laughing and playing and getting almost everything they wished upon the star for, but the point I try to think.. they have luck.. so what? I have perseverance.. and thats what comes handy when luck runs out. I was really jealous of all those people who got jobs I'd kill for and got paid and laid much faster than I did, But then.. if I had followed the suit..I would not be here with a higher degree of education and of respect.. I love myself now.. the respect I get when I tell them I am a doc! So there was a purpose for me not getting an instant placement..

I used to scorn when my mother in her typical nirupa roy tone used to tell me " Jo kuch hota hai, sab acche ke liye hota hai". I realize now that what she meant was not that whats happening is going to beget good.. but you can make it a life experience and learn from it.. So one might question... So what did I learn by being involved in a relationship that gave me nothing but sadness.. like my friend asked wide eyed and tearfully, when her 7 year old relationship with her boy friend came crashing down two days before her final.

Tough.. I said.. but you will realize eventually.. and well yeah she did.. realize the new found freedom and the ability to make her own decisions and joys of being single again!! And the pressure before her final made her flunk it.. but she made it up next sem with better percentage..! a tiny winy minor detail!

But the point is.. life is tough.. its not perfect..swings like a sinusoid.. but hey.. its your's and its upto you what you make out of it.. Depression can pull you down.. or just shrug and walk on.. and you'll realize the beauty of life..

Zindagi... kaisi hai paheli haii... kabhi to hasaye.. kabhi yeh rulaye...

Pyar ke liye.. char pal kam nahin hain!

Attachment! .. And I am not talking about the ones that you send in the email and are restricted to 10 MB size! ..its the emotion that knows no bounds.. Its evil.. people say.. I think its the most wonderful concoction of mind.. second only to the feeling of love.. and according to me... you can never get over the things u are attached to.. can't grow out of it unless you want to! Love is worse.. you can't grow out of it and if its missing you can't live with the fact either!

Attachment creates the want for life in you, there is a reason behind everything you do.. and that's attachment! Its preached that one should be detached.. and let go of this maya called world.. but then .. that should be done in totality.. only if you know its worth can u detach it.. If i say I quit eating.. I should know what satisfaction I get when I satiate my hunger... when I say I want to quit the act of sex then I should know what pleasure it gives.. it should be mine first to give it up.. and that's where attachment comes.. unless I have attached myself in this life to this materialistic world and be materialistic myself, I will not be able to give it up.. true detachment is completely different from what the people practice now... I don't like drinking.. so I am detached from it.. I think love is crap so.. I am great as I am detached from it.. That's cowardice! One should try to understand the fine line between detachment and "I don't care" attitude.. The true wise man is the one who has seen it all and can quit.. by quitting early in life you are only thinking that you are great.. but the truth is that you are cheating yourself!

Nirvana comes from conscious effort.. not by unconscious ignorance.. And so I deem attachment as the most important ingredient of ones lifetime.. all of us should have something we want passionately.. some thing we want to attach and associate ourselves with.. whether we want to detach ourselves from it is a question that will need to be eventually answered..whether we want to become like a sage ourselves.. how soon that question comes depends on what stage of the life - death circle you are in.. I was surprised to see someone who is younger than me .. taking pilgrimage out of choice... you are what you are as a virtue of your birth.. not where you are born into and how you are born into or whom...which is the reason why now in this generation caste creed and religious beliefs are based on individual rather than the society.. a plumber's son is no longer a plumber.. he can be a doctor.. similarly the maturity in thought and the consciousness of action comes through the life times.. but at this stage.. I am born with some purpose on earth.. and I am still not able to give up eating or drinking.. does this mean I should be partial and say I should give up pure and guiltless enjoyment too? Especially of loving someone and being able to say that I am attached to that person so much I can't let go?

Its plain faced fact that people are terribly confused when it comes to matters of heart.. especially crushes, infatuations, attachments and love.. they never question themselves.. never find reasons.. and hence the confusion.. Ask yourself once before you associate the emotion of attachment or love.. do I really want this person? If you feel the gap.. if you feel uncontrollable tears at the loss or if your mind goes blank when you think what u'd do without him/her/it.. then you will know that you really want.. and not "need" that person..

Attachment based on want is much more than attachment based on need.. relationships are longer (I've seen from experiences) .. Think about it, when I question myself.. do I really need that person.. your answer will be no! 'coz you don't need anyone to survive on this world.. every person is wrapped individually and is quite self contained and can survive all alone without difficulty.. but when I question myself, do I want this person, I am sure to get an affirmative answer.

All in all.. its great to want someone or something in life.. gives you a reason to be the way you are.. do the things you do..! like how Om puri says in Pyar to hona hi tha "Zindagi mein sabhi ko ek bar pyar karna chahiye.. It makes life beautiful" I say .. doesn't necessarily need be a guy..or gal.. just anything.. even your country.. or your little chihuahua...but love something.. and love it for a reason!

Kya yehi pyaar hai...

Its summer time and the sun sets at 9 pm... and its bright and hot till then..restricting my usual free spirit which asks me to roam around the town and discover new shopping venues..yes its there in me too.. the common streak found in any girl of any origin... the shopping mania! But this isn't about that.. With all the restrictions from weather in place.. I am spending more time watching stuff on the net than anything else.. And I come back.. to my favorite reality show..Indian Idol (Desi i.e other wise I love the old UK game show Crystal Maze). In one of the recent episodes.. the third gala round, Emon, the perceivably best singer in the group got nailed very badly by the judge Anu malik.. Why.. because he is conscious of the fact that he sings good... and he had to apologize for that.. What world are we living in? The world that condemns us for even being conscious of what we are good at? Is it really a sin to be happy and confident about our abilities? Its pathetic that one has to be guilty of ones goodness.. let alone loving ones positives.. while being aware of ones negatives.. Why should one not be proud of himself for being a great singer... Its but obvious that Emon had a great voice.. and its parody that he should be in tears because of it.

Why can't people accept somethings.. If he is bad.. he will be voted out.. and should be too...but what I can't understand is why the judge thinks he might be voted out because he is good.. and he loves himself for it.. God is this what we teach the young ones.. that guy is a solid 7 years younger to me.. and represents the gen X and this is what we are projecting to them.. be guilty of ur talent, dont be proud of urself, from where can they build self dignity and self esteem then?
Love and confidence.. it all boils down to that... Love yourself for what u are good at.. not for what you aren't.. be honest about it, thats where ur humility lies.. not in the fact that u are guilty about ur goodness... and be confident of ur talents.. if u are honest.. it will come automatically..(ah but thats in a ideal world where there exist no people to make u feel sorry about urself). Love yourself.. truly.. only then can u expect some one else to fall in love with you.. if u think u are pathetic and expect that someone else will think u are wonderful and are waiting for them to come and tell you that.. so that u can start feeling good about it.. I'd say.. you are a fool!